Maybe the real-est shit I ever write.

Learnt something yesterday.
You can’t control everyone.
You can’t control what they say or how they behave.

You just can control yourself.
Your emotions, your mind, your body, your heart and your fucking life.

What I’m supposed to do when someone said “I love you” to my man?
Ripped off her throat? Or santau?
😂

I’m gonna calm my ass down, take a deep breath and..
Fuck!

Aku boleh buat apa kalau he’s the one yang melemparkan diri macam tu?
Aku boleh buat apa kalau he’s enjoying all the attention from anyone else?

I can’t fucking do anything, not even cry.
And I don’t know how long I can do this.



p/s : the word “melemparkan” tu sounds not right.
but can’t think of any word that maybe little less than that.

Hurts Like Hell.

How can I say this without breaking?
How can I say this without taking over?
How can I put it down into words?

When it’s almost too much for my soul alone.

Bangun tidur, rasa kosong. Apa perlu bangun?
Supaya boleh terus disakiti?

Dah bangun, tapi rasa macam masih tidur.
Masih mimpi. Sebab never knew that you were capable to hurt me like this.

1

One word that really defines me-

now and then:

worthless.

.

My chest wants to explode.

R.

Aku pernah rasa
bagaimana sakit hati dipijak, dicampak
cuma aku tak sangka
yang aku akan merasainya lagi
— di sini.

Kaki macam terapung
tidak jejak ke bumi
Badan macam melayang
tapi aku tak peduli.

Pesta pemijakan hati masih dirai
dalam bulatan kecil mengelilingi api
Aku dari kejauhan hanya memerhati
memikir—
bila akan dipulang hati aku kembali.

Kesan tapak kaki dipasir
dibawa ombak yang sesekali mampir
Hilang memori, semuanya berakhir
kelibat kau langsung tak hadir.

Sayang, semuanya hanya dibibir.

Far - Distance

The word far is too short for me to spell.

But nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.

I imagine a line, a white line, painted on the sand and on the ocean, from me to you.

If you cannot hold me in your arms, then hold my memory in high regard.
And if I cannot be in your life, then at least let me live in your heart.

I lost count

the minutes, the hours, the day

you put me here

— in my own mind

wondering

Am I still the one

or just, another one.

Every time, every time you go,
It's like a knife that cuts right to my soul.

Hi.

Cepatnya masa berlalu. Tapi dalam masa sekarang ni, tak tahu nak rasa cepat ke tak. Haih, 2020. Shouldn’t you be my year?

I miss you.

Rindunya nak pergi makan (sebab memang kalau keluar, pergi makan je).
Rindunya nak awak keratkan sotong, buang kulit udang untuk orang.
Rindu nak awak conteng pinggan orang guna sos kalau order nasi pataya.
Rindu nak awak tukar air dengan orang sebab entah, ngade eii
Rindu nak makan aiskrim...

Rindu nak awak selalu ada sebenarnya. Macam selalu.